At Squeak and Crumb Bakery, the day begins at 4 AM, which is the exact moment our head baker, Madame Pawline Crumb, decides she has been asleep for long enough. What follows is a sequence of events so carefully choreographed that it has never once gone to plan.
4:00 AM: The Awakening
Madame Crumb rises from her cushion, stretches in four directions, and walks directly to the flour. She does not look at the clock, for the clock is a human invention and slightly rude. She simply knows.
4:20 AM: The Dough
The dough is mixed by paw, using a technique known as the Gentle Pummel. Our bakers knead until the dough is soft, springy, and faintly warm, then sit on it for ten minutes to help it rise. This is not in the recipe, but it is in the tradition.
5:15 AM: The Shaping
- Each piece is rolled into a small oval body
- Two ears are pinched from the top
- A tail is added, made from a thin rope of dough
- Whiskers are drawn with a toothpick, or sometimes a claw
- Eyes are two currants, placed with great ceremony
The shaping is the most delicate step. Our bakers must work in complete silence, as any sudden noise could cause a mouse to look surprised, which affects the flavour.
6:30 AM: The Oven
The trays go in. The cats gather around the oven door and stare through the glass with an intensity normally reserved for birds. This is called Oven Watch, and it is considered an essential quality check.
7:00 AM: The Reveal
The doors open. A warm cloud of sweet air fills the shop. The mice emerge golden, plump, and slightly smug. Madame Crumb inspects each one, rejecting any that appear to be frowning.
7:30 AM: The Tasting
Our official tasters, three sleepy tabbies, sample the first tray. A taster must chew thoughtfully, nod once, and then sit on the tray until asked to leave. Nothing leaves the kitchen until it has been sat on.
By 8 AM the shop is open, the counters are full, and the staff are asleep in the flour bin. It is, we feel, a perfect morning.
This post is satire, and no real mice were baked.