Squeak and Crumb Bakery today announced the launch of the Extra Tiny Mouse, a treat so small that several customers have reported losing it between the box and the bowl. The new product measures just under an inch and weighs about as much as a good idea.
A Response to Customer Demand
“Our customers asked for something petite,” said Madame Pawline Crumb. “They said the standard mouse was too large to eat in one bite and too small to share. We solved this by making a mouse that cannot be shared at all.”
Product Details
- Available in three flavours: plain, cheese, and mild cheese
- Packed in boxes of twelve, with eleven visible
- Each mouse comes with a tiny tail, which falls off
- Suitable for cats, kittens, and at least one very patient dog
The Making Of
Producing a mouse this small required new equipment. We purchased a set of tweezers, a magnifying glass, and a hat for the head baker to wear while thinking. The first prototype was accidentally eaten by an apprentice, who described it as a good start.
Early Reactions
“It was so small that I thought I had imagined it. Then I ate it, and I was sure.” A customer, name withheld, because he was eating.
Availability
The Extra Tiny Mouse will be available this Friday in limited quantities. Early arrivals are encouraged to line up outside the shop from 5 AM, where they will be offered a crumb as a courtesy.
About Squeak and Crumb
We bake tiny mouse shaped treats, fresh every morning. Our motto is Small Treats, Large Opinions. We are a fictional business, and our mice are fictional mice, which is why they taste so good.
Pricing
The Extra Tiny Mouse will cost the same as a standard mouse, on the grounds that the craftsmanship is greater and the quantity is smaller. We believe this is fair. Several customers have asked to see the maths. We have shown them a spreadsheet, which they sat on.
Madame Crumb will be available for questions after the launch, provided she is awake and the questions are about bread.
This announcement is entirely satirical.